“Before you begin something new, you have to end what used to be. Before you can become a different person, you must let go of your old identity.” William Bridges
In his book Transitions, author and psychologist William Bridges provides a framework for looking at change that may be helpful. Basically, change has three parts:
- Endings
- Middle or mid-zone
- New beginnings
Of course, change isn’t linear. Life doesn’t move along in a straight line. Instead there are twists and turns, ups and downs and we may get stuck in one place for a while. Eventually we will go through all three stages of change as described by Bridges.
Change involves loss and loss can cause us to feel angry, anxious, sad, disoriented or depressed. We may also deny that things have changed or are changing. I think this is partly a form of protection. When we face multiple losses as we have with the COVID 19 pandemic, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Grief is a necessary part of the change process but one that we don’t often recognize. In fact, most of us are so busy worrying about surviving the day-to-day or looking toward the future that we fail to recognize what we are losing.
In an interview with journalist Christiane Amanpour in May, Jack Saul, psychologist, spoke about the collective trauma that families and communities face when dealing with a disaster such as the COVID 19 pandemic. He spoke of the need for rituals to help people grieve. Rituals can be private or public. Around the world different cultures and religions offer rituals to mark endings and help people cope with their losses.
Similarly, psychologist Romeo Vitelli wrote in Psychology Today in 2014:
Since people who have suffered a loss often feel as if their lives are out of control, using rituals can help restore that feeling of control and make it easier to cope with grief.
Vitelli also noted that not all people react to grief in the same way: some people experience no symptoms; others are over their grief in a few days and some struggle to deal with their loss for longer periods of time.
COVID 19 happened quickly. All of a sudden, we were told to shelter in place or isolate at home.. This feeling of overwhelm and fear was accentuated by the fact that we didn’t know how long we would be living in isolation.
I felt like I was living in an alternate reality.
We were told by our public health and government representatives that things would never be the same again but that eventually we could look forward to a “new normal”.
For months we existed in a state of suspended animation.
I am writing this post at the beginning of June and in Western Canada the economy is slowly opening up again. I haven’t felt the need to grieve perhaps because my life hasn’t changed a huge amount. But then again perhaps like so many others, I feel like when this nightmare is over, I will wake up and things will be normal again.
Of course nothing will ever be the same again.
In the next post I will talk about the second phase of William Bridges model of change: the mid-zone. This is a time of creativity, innovation, learning and envisioning a new beginning.
Lesley